Reasons why I need my own apartment

"Feed me NOW
or I will chew your arm off!"

So the other night in the middle of multi-tasking with laundry, cooking dinner and homework help my husband asked me what I would like for my up coming birthday. Before I could answer the cat came up rubbed on my leg and gave me that ,"Feed me or I'll chew your arm off!", look that he gets when it's been 4 hours since he was last fed. I gave my husband the  "give me a second" finger gesture and fetched the cat food. The sound of cat food hitting the metal dish prompted the dogs to come running and realized they were hungry too. Just then the dryer buzzed to let me know that the clothes were ready. I told the dogs to wait a second, (because they totally understand what I am saying and have the patience of Himalayan Monks), and I went to the dryer to get the clothes out.  Just as I reached in the dryer, my husband yells from the kitchen that the potato's are boiling over. I yelled "thanks!" in response but what I was REALLY thinking and what I REALLY wanted to yell back was "Okay.... and you are not capable of turning the burner down yourself? The rule of don't touch the stove stopped being applicable to you when you turned into a MAN! If you're standing there looking at it boiling over then wouldn't it be much easier and faster to do it yourself?!" BUT I didn't say what I really felt like saying because that would've been mean and most likely would've started a fight. And who wants that? So I let the laundry go and run into the kitchen to turn the burner down. I turn around from the stove to find my seven year old standing behind me.
"Mom, I'm hungry."
"ummmmm ...  ya I know! That's why I am cooking dinner."
"Can I have a snack?"
"no"
"Why?"
"Because I am cooking dinner. It'll be ready in 5 minutes."
"Ya, but I am hungry now. Can I have a small snack?"
"NO!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE I AM COOKING DINNER!"
After this brief convo with my seven year old I turn to find that my 14 year old just poured himself a bowl of cereal.
"Patrick! What are you doing?"
"eating cereal."
"Why?! Dinner is going to be reading in 5 minutes!"
"But I was hungry now."
grrrrrr! I give up and drain the potato's.
Then Garrett chimes in "Hey! that's not fair! Patrick gets to have a snack and I don't?"
"Go set the table! Dinner is almost ready!"I yell at both of them.

My "workspace"

I get the potato's mashed, the chicken out of the oven and the veggies seasoned. I am just about to start serving when I look at the kitchen table and see, not place settings, but all my sewing stuff all over the table. UGh! I forgot to put my sewing stuff away! Ahhhh!

"Mom. Mom! We're hungry!"

I clear my stuff off the table and set the boys to work on getting the table set. I figured I'd take that time to finally get the laundry out of the dryer. But low and behold, it sat too long and wrinkled and now it needs to be fluffed AGAIN! And the dogs are whining and staring at me. Ooops. I forgot the dogs. I feed them.
Finally dinner has been served and everyone is fat and happy. We get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up. The dryer buzzes and I RUN in and pull the clothes out, fold them while they are still hot. We get homework done and everyone can finally relax before bed. Things are looking good. I decide to pour myself a TALL glass of wine and read for a bit. I sit down in my favorite chair and get an action figure up my butt! Once I get that situation under control...I am ready to read and then my husband decides to play Call of Duty.
 My husband playing C.O.D. means there will be LOTS of screaming and yelling at the TV screen. I once asked him why he plays video games if it stresses him out so much. His response to that was, "Stress me out?! It doesn't stress me out. I play them to relax."
 To me anything that makes me yell and scream is not relaxing. And hearing him yell and scream at the TV is not relaxing for me at all either so I decide to take my book and my wine into my bedroom.

I walk in my room and am NOT surprised to find a lego city all over my bed. ugh!

Lego City
2 Mom's Bed Lane
Mom's Room, ME 04011

"Garrett! Come clean this up before a hurricane knocks down all your buildings. And by hurricane I mean me!"
Question: "Why don't kids play in their own bedrooms?
My kids answer to that question: "Cuz then our bedrooms will get messy."
Okay so lego city has been relocated, dogs have been fed, cat has been fed, family has been fed, dinner dishes done, homework done, husband is playing video games, kids are actually playing in their rooms, laundry is folded but still not put away but that can wait.

I am laying on my bed ready to read and sip wine and...wait for it.... The dogs come barreling into the room looking for love in all the wrong places. "Sorry dogs but I need a break! Get out! Or lay down! You decide but for now just leave me alone!" One lays down the other decides to leave.
Okay I open the book and....wait for it...here comes the cat. He jumps on my chest and rubs on the book.
"Love you Roman, but mommy needs a break." I push him away and he turns to glare at me with that,

I don't let just anyone pet my fur!

"How dare you turn down my affection? I don't just dish it out to anybody lady! You should be thankful I want you to touch me at all! Well...THAT will never happen again! I will put my back to you and swish my tail really hard so you know that I am ignoring you.", look. I ignore him, take a gulp of wine and get ready to read and ....wait for it.... The kids start screaming at each other. Apparently Patrick doesn't want Garrett in his bedroom because he's "annoying". But when Garrett goes into his own room Patrick follows him and that's when the fight started. Now Garrett won't let Patrick into his room.
I decide instead of getting up and ending this fight, that I will put a pillow over my head and drown it out.
AND that's when it hits me! I know what I want for my birthday!
I want my own Apartment! Nothing fancy, just a little one room efficiency unit. MY one little room of peace!
And my reason's for this birthday wish are as follows;

1. I would have a place to sew. An actual workspace. I could store all of my stuff there and not have to clear it off the kitchen table everyday!

2. None of my scissors would ever go missing again! They would actually stay in the basket I put them in and the "little fairies" that take them but insist that they didn't take them wouldn't be invited over.
3. I would have a chair that wouldn't have dog hair, cat hair, legos or action figures on it that I could sit and read in.
4. I could actually READ!
5. I could go to the bathroom by myself! My apartment would have a no pet rule....so that means no dogs or cats busting into the bathroom to watch me pee!
6. There would be no video games allowed. That would mean no listening to my husband scream, "What are you doing!? He's over there! ahhhh idiot!", at the TV anymore.
7. If I make a mess, I clean it up and it stays that way for more than an hour.
8. I can listen to any kind of music I want and actually be able to hear it without the sound of fighting brothers in the next room.
9. I could take a nap. Or paint my toenails. Or watch reality television.
10. I could hang up girly pink curtains and have flowery pillows on a white shabby chic couch that would stay white!
11. I'd have a place to go where I can take care of me. A place where there isn't a line of people and animal's looking at me for assistance.
The possibilities are endless! I'd have a place to go when my family is driving me crazy! Don't get me wrong.... I love my husband, kids and pets more that anything in this world. It is great to feel loved and needed by the ones that you love and need. I wouldn't trade my life for anything but I will be honest, sometimes it would be great to have my own apartment. A girl can dream can't she?

Oops! Sorry. I didn't get the laundry done because I was eating bon bon's all day- Misconceptions about being a stay at home parent.

Last school year I was talking on the phone to my seven year old's teacher. We were setting up a time to have a meeting and she asked, "Would Wednesday afternoon work for you?" I answered "Sure. Actually it's perfect. I give myself Wednesday afternoons off to do personal things and I have no plans this Wednesday." She laughed, paused and then said to me "Oh. But you don't work. Don't you have everyday off to do personal things?" I can't remember what my exact response to that statement was, but what I DO  remember is what I really wanted to say to her but didn't.  I WANTED to say "Oh ya. You're right! I just have all day to eat bon bon's, watch soap operas, sit on my ass and do nothing. Sometimes I just call a random plumber over and go at it with him because I am bored. And that's what I do all day."
Grrrr!
This brings me to the point of this blog. I am sure many SAHM/D's will find it reassuring that they are not the only ones who have these untrue misconceptions associated with them. It's time to set the record straight.

Misconception #1 We have all day to do whatever we want.
The truth:  
If you have school aged kids, kids are in school for approximately 7 hours. This gives you 7 hours to do all the things you need to do before they get home. Included in this time is showering, eating breakfast, cleaning house, eating lunch, running errands. If you work from home, like I do, this also includes trying to get all of the above done and then trying to get some work done for your business....in 7 hours. It is nearly impossible.
 Personal things get done when everything else is finished. And nothing is ever completely finished. EVER!
If you have preschool kids at home with you then you basically have to do what they want all day plus all the house work and errands. Personal things seem to NEVER get done.

Misconception #2  We must be rich if we can afford to not work.
The Truth:
hahahahahahaaaaa! Ya, I wish! Many of us stay at home because have decided that being there for our children is more important than having money. I am sure there are a few SAHM/D's that stay at home because they don't have to work and are loaded. That's great! Good for them. Wish I was one of them. But most of us aren't. Most of us have to clip coupons and stretch our working partners paychecks as far as possible. Most of us go without family vacations and eating out. 
* just a note... I am in no way, shape or form saying that SAHM/D's care more about their children than working parents. NOT at all! Most people must have both parents working to be able to pay rent and eat.  Us SAHM/D's are fortunate to have a spouse with an income to support this lifestyle BUT that does not mean we are rich. 


Misconception #3 Our Houses must be immaculately clean.
The truth: 
And that is answered with another "hahahahahaha"! If we are lucky enough to get the house even 1/4 of the way immaculate, it only lasts for a few hours until they get home from school and trash it again. Then we get to start all over the next day.
If you're are home with preschoolers then forget about getting anything clean at all! While you're cleaning up the kitchen they are trashing the living room. You start cleaning the living room and they are trashing the playroom. It's an endless cycle.


Misconception #4 We're bored so we have affairs.
The truth: 
Who has time for that crap? And who wants another headache? We can barley keep  our eyes open at the end of the day to have sex with our spouses let alone trying to keep someone on the side happy as well.  Sounds like waaayyyy too much work for me!
And if you're at home with preschoolers it is nearly impossible....after all, daddy might start wondering who this "uncle bob" is that his kids keep talking about. Kids can't keep secrets. And you're never alone when you're a SAHM/D to preschoolers. You can't even pee by yourself. Let alone have an affair!
Oh and I have also heard the rumor that SAHM/D's call repair men over for a "good time". Ya okay. Have you seen the local plumber? ummmm no thanks. And even if the plumber happened to turn out to be a strapping young buck with abs like a rock and a smile that could melt an ice burg, there is no way it would ever happen. Especially after he just snaked a hairball the size of Montana out of your bathtub while you stand watching unshowered in your bathrobe and your kids are in the next room fighting with each other over who gets the last eggo. Your greasy hair and screaming kids reminding him that "This all could be yours". Chances are he wouldn't want it.  He'd run and he'd run away FAST!

Misconception #5 We sit home and eat bon bon's all day.
The truth:
Bon bon's are expensive. Refer to the the truth of misconception #2.  Most of us cannot afford to buy ourselves special treats when the kids have to have their snack and your husbands need to have their ice cream in the freezer at all times. For me, my special treat, my big splurge every week is Activia. Sad, huh? The other truth of the matter is, do you really think Bon Bon's would last 5 minutes in the house with kids? Even if you hid them, kids have this special built in candy radar. They'd find it and eat it all before you could blink an eye. I'd be lucky to get one bob bon. Never mind a whole box all to myself! 


Misconception #6 We can babysit other peoples kids and run other peoples errands because we have nothing else to do.
The truth: 
We work harder now than we did when we were working. We have our own errands to run. Since we don't work it's up to us, not our spouses, to go grocery shopping, take the kids to the doctors, attend school functions, parent teachers conferences, get the oil changes, run to the bank, pick up the clothes at the cleaners, take the pets to the vet, clean, cook, do laundry, patch up boo boo's, get the kids to soccer, baseball, basketball, ballet, dentist appointments, gardening, clean out the goldfish and skittles from the cars, drop stuff off at goodwill and if there's time, spend quality time with our kids. We don't have time for your kids or your errands. So don't ask. 

So these are just some of the misconceptions I have come across in my 7 years as a SAHM. I have a list of about 10 more but no time to write about them. The fact of the matter is, it has taken me 3 hours to write this. In between writing I have been doing laundry, dishes, getting the kids lunch, walking the dogs. Housework awaits! And maybe, just maybe I'll get a little sewing down for my Etsy shop today. If I am lucky. Speaking of which...here is some shameless advertising.... www.rhodacrookscloset.etsy.com
Well, folks back to the daily grind.. laundry, dishes, kids and cat boxes are calling me!


***Stay at home Mom's and Dad's....Please post a misconception you've run across in my comments section. I'd love to hear them! And if you're a blooger, leave your blog link too so I can check out your blog and follow you too! Thanks!